New York, NY – With the upcoming release of Apple’s Apple Watch, early adopters of wearable technology are already considering the piece’s potential as as family heirloom.
“This is huge. I finally have something worth passing along to my son the way my father passed this down to me,” said Dave Waldeck, grinning at the vintage Breitling on his wrist. An Account Director at a hot Midtown PR firm, Dave could care less about the watch’s functionality: “The voice and payment functions are cool, but I’m more excited about this watch’s potential as a masculine token of approval to usher my unborn son into manhood.”
While smart watches from Samsung and LG have struggled with market hesitation, it’s the Apple Watch’s signature “Apple” aesthetic that has it poised to to be the first tech product to be given as a sappy gift from an unapologetic deadbeat dad to his grudgingly privileged son.
Borfes spoke to Apple customer Jeffery Reed as he waited at the ‘Genius Bar’ in Grand Central to hear if the porn on his crashed Time Machine was recoverable:
“Sure you can engrave the back of an iPad with the words ‘Great job getting into Wharton, Andy,’ but in another year he’ll be buying the new iPad and that one’s going to be sitting in a glass case at a Goodwill in New Jersey till some little poor kid’s birthday. His name might be Andy, but he’s not getting into Wharton.”
With it’s initial pre-order of one billion units, Apple is doubling down on consumers like Dave and Jeffery who have been waiting for an opportunity to combine their blind brand-loyalty with their need for a timepiece that they can gift after missing a son’s graduation or wedding rehearsal.
“Compared to my Seamaster, they’re cheap,” Jeffery concluded “I’m picking one up for each of my bastard kids.”