Borfes Offices Up In Smoke. Burned To Ground.
NEW YORK, NY — Early Saturday evening, authorities were alerted to a three-alarm fire in Bushwick after our very own Borfes offices were set ablaze in an horrific popcorn incident.
An office favorite, the kettle corn machine in the staff kitchen shorted out after Gary from the mailroom left the candied syrup dispenser under the heat lamps on high.
Luckily, much of the staff was harmed or perished in the blazes.
“Gary from the mailroom definitely died first. And quite painfully,” Police Inspector Dave Thomas reassured.
Of the former eighty-two staff and building workers employed at the premises, a lonely eight remain.
As stipulated in all employee contracts, those lost will be remembered in a traditional viking funeral ceremony on the East River. Operations at Borfes will be kept up temporarily out of the back of two Uhaul trucks.
We apologize for the brief hiatus. Details for the funeral service can be found at borfesmag.com/firefest14/fun/info.
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