Borfes Editors
2015’s Best American Investments
The Carson campaign makes this list for one reason above all: any person willing to sink money and time into it will soon have a much clearer view of smart investing, if they don't already. One could bet a pyramid full of grain on it. [...]
Great Grief: Beloved ‘Peanuts’ Star Charlie Brown Beheaded
Far too graphic for general consumption, the footage shows Brown paraded in a black hood as his assailants shout garbled chants of “nothing is forgiven” and “the dog is next,” before laboriously hacking away at his neck with a butter knife. Torrential waves of blood and tissue gush from the wound until the head is fully removed and used as a soccer ball for upwards of ten minutes. [...]
Poo Heads Can’t Take Joke. Kill Many.
At least twelve staff members at French magazine Charlie Hebdo were brutally murdered by a trio of humorless whiney babies with stinky poo pants early Wednesday. [...]
Borfes’ Top 5 Lists of 2014
Whittling down this year’s registers proved no easy task. Our editorial staff debated late into second breakfast as to this year’s picks, but when the dust and blood and tranquilizers finally settled, these final 5 remained… [...]
Borfes’ 5 Business-iest Coups of 2014
The GOP proved to the world that if you set your mind to it, your government could back you in the infiltration and public release of all private and security information for a multinational corporation that has disobeyed your outlandish and ridiculous demands of cessation. Lucky for Americans, our desensitization towards such tyrannical behavior has been well underway thanks to a very different GOP. [...]
The Devil Wears Nada: The REEL Aly Wolodarski
See here in the pictures as Wolodarski revels at her part in the disaster, which wound up taking the lives of five county residents. [...]
Borfes’ Top 5 Units of Currency 2014
We are first and foremost a super serious businessmenchartikalesprovakture – as our German money lender ancestors would shout at the Jews. But sometimes, you just need to take a step back and look at money without thinking about its gooey delicious worth. [...]
RACISM: Buy or Sell?
Good news for racist stockholders everywhere: Public and private racism stock is soaring to incredible heights. With the recent exonerations of Darren Wilson and Daniel Palanteo, it seems it is once again in vogue and totally fine to be a racist in the United States of America. [...]
Borfes Offices Up In Smoke. Burned To Ground.
NEW YORK, NY — Early Saturday evening, authorities were alerted to a three-alarm fire in Bushwick after our very own Borfes offices were set ablaze in an horrific popcorn incident. [...]
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