CLINTON WINS!

On this day, November 7th, 2016, Hillary Clinton wins the 2016 U.S. Presidential Election by a landslide, with 352 votes from the Electoral College, becomes first Lady/President.

WASHINGTON, DC– Ms. Hillary Clinton will now become the 45th President of the United States and the first woman to act as President since Eleanor Roosevelt. However, despite being the first woman actually elected to the Oval Office, this monumental and historic occasion suffers from her lineage.

President-Elect Clinton has already happened before in my own lifetime. Should history refer to her as the First Female President, or the First Lady/President? Her husband will still be referred to as Mr. President, as is customary, for the rest of his life, rather than the First First Gentleman. Sound a little incestuous to you, too? Let’s delve…

I was born on January 20th, 1981. Since that day, there has been someone named Bush or Clinton in the White House for all but 3 of my 35 years alive. If Hillary wins a second term in 2020, I will be 44 years old by the time the opportunity exists for that trend to change. Perhaps I should run for the Office myself, then! Though I would probably end up losing to Chelsea, or [God!] even worse, Jeb. Witnessing the trend here? Under the guise of a democratic republic, the United States Government has embraced closet fascism as its backbone for generations; arguably having invented the institution of this political philosophy in its contemporary form.

The bottom line is that your vote didn’t matter, and doesn’t matter. Four times (1824, 1876, 1888, and most recently in 2000) the Electoral College has given us a President-Elect who lost the popular vote. Hillary Clinton only needed 270 very special people to vote for her in order to win— not me, and not you.

If business had its way, Trump would just be forever president. But the first rule of business is nothing goes your way.

So go back to your shows and movies and video games; go back to your jobs and water-cooler chats with your co-workers; drown yourself in professional sports and live entertainment, but laugh and smile as much as you can. That is the only way you can affect this deeply-rooted manipulation. Closet fascism in the United States will only end with an alien invasion.

—Zephyr Morgan
November 7, 2016