#DeflateGate: Gates to Heaven Temporarily Deflated. St. Peter Cites “Too Many Ethnics”
NEW YORK, NY– News is sweeping the nation today as official word has passed that the gates to heaven have been deflated.
An immediate response from the magisterium struck early shouts that the deflation was intentional, but resident bouncer Holy St. Peter has sucked the air out of the discussion with some controversial claims.
“Year after year, the numbers grow,” the patron saint of bakers told Borfes. “Martinez this, Enichebe that. Heavyset and dense of bone, and often times both.”
Peter explained that the ever-increasing number of “ethnic” peoples entering into paradise has caused this border lockdown, triggering a weight limit thanks to “a combination of gland disorders and sheer volume.”
Our research has found daily genocidal horrors being committed to all human life even remotely close to the poverty line occurring right now. And now. And now. Fueling some to think this theory may not be just hot steam blowing smoke.
Either way, it seems we can all at least agree that St. Peter, is a racist.
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