Disney Burns with Holiday Cheer

ANAHEIM, CA– Christmas was a time of grieving for the Disney parks this year, and Orange County is now reeling from perhaps the greatest human-error disaster in history.

It began as a dispute in line for the teacups when two fathers started a physical altercation that escalated beyond all conceivable proportions. While awaiting a ride that normally inspires nausea, a sickening display of indiscretion unfolded. The two men argued for an undisclosed reason and the interaction became physical. Soon after, troves of little girls hoofed flaming projectiles into a now raging blaze of fire and agony.

Let’s put this into perspective:

The two parks that now comprise the original Disneyland Theme Park account for over one-third of Orange County’s annual revenue.

With hordes of holiday travelers, ripe with holiday spirit, on holiday in holiday dress experiencing “The Happiest Place on Earth,” Disneyland descended into chaos rapidly.

What began as a father altercation, had grown into a larger altercation and under the menacing melody of Gaston and his baritone pipes, a mob developed. A riotous Claude Frollo, from his lair in Notre Dame, forcibly opposed the mob, yet succeeded only in aiding the mêlée. As if humans and cartoons locked in a capital collision wasn’t enough, Maleficent turned into a dragon and engulfed large areas of both parks in voluminous flames with each exhale of her fiery breath. Prince Phillip could do nothing. The parks were in embers.

It is estimated to take 5 years to completely rebuild Disneyland’s former campus. The loss of priceless memorabilia is only the tip of the iceberg. The possible numbers involved in the fiscal impact to the OC could not even speak to the actual ramifications of this tragedy.

The true victims here, though, are the children.

For half an American generation, Disneyland will be tattooed on their brains as a brimming pit of hellfire; the hopes and dreams of innumerable, innocent youths dashed to pieces like Mickey Mouse chopping up a broom.

Happy Holidays from the entire Borfes family.