Heathen Scum of the Year
Rev Dr. Tubs’ Heathen Scum of the Year
5.) The Internet
2014 A.D. was the year that I officially ceased the employ of my long-standing stenographer and typist of all dictation, Wendell, and as such, made my first personal forays onto this so-called “internet.” What I have found is no more than the festering wounds and dribbling loin pus of Lucifer, proprietor of Hell. Cuss word sex comedy virus videos litter a non-physical domain in which all comers are destined for eternal damnation. I mean, “website” sounds like something you trap a lamb in. So needless to type, I am now on the hunt for a new typistenographer and writer-down-of-all-words so as to keep my hands and mind clean of the dirt of this net intertwined. (Mind you, this person(s) must be a true and tried follower and believer in the Lord Christ Nazarethean Jesui, Holy Lamb and Otter of The Soul. Contact TubsThree@borfesmag.com for consideration)
4.) The Orient
My use of this word has been called “archaic” and “shitty” by many tweeterbirds in recent times and postings. So, here and now I declare clarity on the subject once and for only. “Orient” in the pontification of Your Reverend Tubs, refers to all lands wet and dry east of the Carolinas. And this includes passage across the Pacific to the foppier, more liberal countrymen of our so-called “west,” up till about Lubbock, Texas. With this in mind, it becomes very clear, one hopes, to the followers of the Lord Lamb and Otter that all members of the lands described are indeed heathens damned eternal. And there is no hope for the hated.
3.) George C Looney
I think I speak for us all when I say this “man” must be stopped. The liberal Pinocchio of the left wing-ed Beelzebub has been sweeping across the sun-scorched plains of Africa like the white devil he is with an eye for domination not seen since the Hitler. To think our little Dr. Ross is actually a seed of the evil one comes as no surprise to me, of course. The boy lives with a pig, for the Holy Otter’s sake, and no doubt lays with it, as well. And the pig, as we all know, is the toe of the devil.
2.) “President” Barack Obama
Another year cast into obscurity by the tinted muppet of the darklord means another year closer to his demotion. This “President” has proven time and time again that Hawaiians are not American, and that Kenyans can do naught more than run a good race. Athletically speaking. In my initial run for the presidency leading up to 2008, I had a chance to meet Barry, and his kindness and genial persona, as well as his lengthy knowledge and obvious aptitude did not fool me. My loss on all points in our town hall debate of Cantin, Georgia was merely an act of affirmative action, I’m sure.
Mercy to the Dumb.
-Most Other Christians
To say no American can any longer practice the true faith of The Right Church of The Correct Peoples of Our Lord Jesus Christ of Nazareth is unfortunately a truth and possibly the hardest news one will ever have to utter in the expanse of reality. But as it were, this fact does not change THE fact that any soul not pursuing the faith is damned eternal forever. We write cartoons and comic strips about it all the time.
Keep both eyes and souls out this time next year for another wave of putrid damnation. Praise Our Lord, Lamb and Otter. Amen Twomen.
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