Infant Bullies Massacre Humorists Because They Are Whiney Poo Pants Babies With No Souls
PARIS, FRANCE– At least twelve staff members at French magazine Charlie Hebdo were brutally murdered by a trio of humorless whiney babies with stinky poo pants early Wednesday.
It is not currently known who or where these fartface doodoo heads are acting for or from, but authorities presume relation to earlier strikes against the magazine from religious extremists.
The stodgy asshole attacker babies entered and escaped the offices with veritable ease and are still at large. The possibility of them holding French passports means they may be able to move about the continent as well. And then there’s the fact that they suck so goddamn hard and are whiney babies. But any progress on the knowledge of said baby whiner asscaps’ identities has been minimal.
Our fhearts go out to the fallen funnies at sister Charlie Hebdo. And our bounty hunters go out to the stinky buttheads responsible for this atrocity. They shouldn’t be hard to find because of their stinky poopy diaper butts. Puritanical psychopaths.