Post-Grad Debtors Leaping from Closet in Hopes of Gaining Big Gay Income Bump

BOSTON, MA-  In lieu of widespread, post-recession economic cynicism, a recent Harvard study shows many Millennials have been flinging aside their heterosexuality, with an eye towards gaining what professionals call “Homo Dough.”

“I couldn’t really find a sustainable source of income after college”, 24-year-old Alan Greene tells us, “but all my gay buddies seemed to be making enough to pay their bills, and go out every night!  So I figured, if you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em.”

Greene is only one of countless young people that we spoke to, mostly men, who claimed turning gay has greatly increased their standard of living—from what they fuck to how they fuck.

Says Mike Stipe, co-founder of Smiley’s Tax Attorneys, “Homo Dough is real. And it’s here. I was straight most of my life until I needed someone to co-sign my first lease.  My real father is a retired teacher and kind of a faggy loser drunk… He just doesn’t have that kind of capital.  So I found a better daddy in the city to help me co-sign!”

It seems that once again, Milliennials are finding new methods of fiscal success, contrary to the conservative Baby Boomer ways of old. One Reagan-era gentleman we spoke to went as far as to claim, “I don’t think becoming gay is the most sensible way to make money.”

Well, maybe that old-timer should hang his uniform up in the closet where he belongs! For more, head over to the Borfes Gay Bump Chat Room to weigh in on the issue.