The Art of The Donkey Show, pt. II: My Big Fat Greek Dildo

No Business Like Show Business: The Art of The Donkey Show

pt. II

My Big Fat Greek Dildo

KITHIRA, GREECE– Alone I stand, perched beneath an overhanging stone column, surely crumbled to pieces eons ago. Among the rocks and ruin scatter bits of this or that. Relics left behind, lost in what we’ve just discovered to be the great quake of Kithira Island some 3000 years ago.

A recent quake of much less a magnitude has unearthed some ancient artifacts for the archaeological research teams sent in to assess the worst of the damage, and cumciting enough for us, just as we had docked in for the next round of our inBorfestigation.

Dmitri Stepanopopolous, Head Research Field Coordinator on site, welcomed us with open arms. As it were, our guide happens to be a Borfes subscriber and Greek market analyst with the help of our interBorfestional Market Watch live feed and monthly update.

“It cannot be mere coincidence, our meeting in the wake of these discoveries,” waxed Stepanopopolous. The discoveries he speaks of are some of the sexiest things shoved inside of holes that I’ve ever born witness to, donkey or human alike.

The structure we’re sifting through was a brothel or “fuckhouse” where ancient Greeks would come to fulfill carnal inklings and “explode like Mount Olympus” as Mr. Stepanopopolous so deftly put it. One of the first in time. But what sets this cockshack apart from all other protein dens in history, or even simply Ancient Greece, was their implementation of the use of non-humans. More specifically, our friend the donkey.

“Here it is!! I knew we’d found it SOMEwhere!!!”

It– is a three-and-a-half-foot long stone cylinder known only as “the donkey dildo.” And it is glorious.

Whether the device was used for the donkeys or their human counterparts has been hotly contested in the days since the finding. With my degrees and history, it was no doubt the team asked my decision to end the debate.

I figured, or rather, knew that the piece was surely an AC/DC plug. I explained how the conical, ridged perforations trailing from the chodier side of the rod to the sleeker prove that this piece was–and would absolutely still be–a great way for two people or creatures to have a piece of stone inside them at the same time. And for our more flexible and adventurous types, one creature could and absolutely should enjoy both ends to themselves.

“But how?” Dmitri asked. “How could one animal have both ends of this device inside of them at the same time?”

I calculated my response. “Possibly the greatest piece of writing advice I’ve ever been given applies in all texts and most contexts. Here most of all.”

“And what was that?”

“Show. Don’t tell.”

Join us next time as we make our way round the Mediterranean to the land of the old republic and the home of the legendary “Donkeyng,” continuing our journey through time with the Art of the Donkey Show.