No Business Like Show Business: The Art of The Donkey Show
Veni, Vidi, Donki
ROME, ITALY– Since taking on the Co-Editor-in-Chief position here at Borfes, I am often asked: Jay’Saul, What is business? Is crime business? How might I turn my crimes into business? Have you been checked?
All pertinent inquiries, and never more so than now, because in no place on Earth is business, vice, and utter life worth confused more than in Italy. A delicate truth-dance Godfather waltzing since the dawn of the empire.
Many know of a story, a rumor of the once great Caligula. Gaius Caesar, third emperor of Rome, legendary hedonist and loose shooting cannon and bowel.
Tale would tell of the mighty leader once appointing his favorite horse governor of a region in a rush of drunken madness. Reality would have you know this couldn’t be farther from the truth.
In fact, the emperor appointed a donkey–by the name of Pippo–interim ruler of the entire Roman empire while he went on what we can now confirm was a four month surfing trip to the Adriatic.
A donkey not named Dominick was the Emperor of Rome? That’s what I said isn’t it? You read correctly. But how?
Caligula first crossed paths with Pippo at his second annual “turn the Imperial palace into a monthlong fuckfest” gathering at the Imperial palace.
A storied showman, and quite well-loved in the Roman Donkey Show circuit of the time, Pippo became one of Caligula’s closest confidants almost immediately after their meeting.
When the day soon arrived for the emperor to leave Rome, there was simply no one else he could trust with control. Pippo the sexy donkey became Pippo the Donkeyng, and for four prosperous months, lead the empire through one of its most fruitful growing seasons.
As I walk these cobbled stones and ancient passways, I can’t help but shudder.
The modern world’s depiction of crime and business is eternally skewed. How does a simple farmdonkey in a sex show go from the streets to the throne on the strength of his rocket?
Two mighty words: Donkey Shows.
In no world should this be a sin. The positional buoying acumen of all are sacred under the gaze of Godcapitalism, and in a free market, a donkey is a man’s best friend. What Caligula knew, we are now at risk of forgetting.
For the sake of our children, and theirs that should follow… may the makers let us not.
Join us next time, for the Art of the Donkey Show.